writings and ramblings

• CONTEST!
• Projections
• Project Free Music
• Project Frolic

Writing.

My version of the LYRICS:

[Unnecessary commentary inserted in these brackets]

Hush little baby don't say a word [it starts out the same I think]

Mama’s gonna buy you a mocking bird

If that mocking bird won't sing

Mama’s gonna buy you a diamond ring

If that diamond ring turns to brass

Mama’s gonna buy you a looking glass

If that looking glass gets broke [watch... here it changes!]

Mama’s gonna buy you an artichoke

If that artichoke starts to rot

Mama’s gonna buy you an iron pot

If that iron pot gets a stain

Mama’s gonna buy you some purple rain

If that purple rain catches fire

Mama’s gonna buy you a big quagmire

If that big quagmire gets sunk

Mama’s gonna buy you a chipmunk

If that chipmunk gets squashed

Mama’s gonna buy you some butternut squash

If that butternut squash gets ate

Mama’s gonna buy you the whole darn state

If the whole darn state gets full

Mama’s gonna buy you a bolt of wool

If that bolt of wool gets torn

Mama’s gonna buy you some kettle corn

If that kettle corn turns to coal

Mama’s gonna buy you a pretty bowl

If that pretty bowl gets a crack

Mama’s gonna buy you an orange kayak

If that orange kayak starts to err

You’ll still be the prettiest baby     [F]            anywhere [C]

[And it still resolves with some semblance of dignity and the same ending as the original song.]

Then there comes the angry mama, or, perhaps, the mama who is actually a papa dressed in boobs for some logical reason... and this acting Brunnhilde behemoth decides a shortened version fits their disposition best [sing in your best Johnny Cash imitation for this one...]

x          x            x x x x

tempo presto!

If your copious amounts of stuff catch fire

Mama’s gonna buy you an army tire

If you don't like tires, guess what?

Mama’s gonna give you a kick in the butt

The moral of this story is that this song is particularly easy to alter to fit your personal characteristics as a mother (or as a motherly not-mother). Therefore I invite you to send me your personalized versions of this song and I will paste them onto my website with your name (or whatever name you give me) credited as the author.

1. Send submissions to thegrandma@mobsters.com (send spam and I will change my email and butter all of your doorknobs.)
2. Your submission may be disqualified if it is of an extremely inappropriate nature and includes no redeeming humoristic qualities.

Have a great perpendicular.

Projects are something that I have been meaning to start for a long time but really haven't gotten around to them, so if you happen to stumble onto this site, you may join a project by emailing me with your initials and the project's title at:

thegrandma@mobsters.com

To people I know: don't freak out. this is not my real email, i just made another one for the purposes of projects and their projections. you are welcome to join my projects, and i ask that you please do, and follow their guidelines, and post the project sheets in bathrooms, and yell at the top of your lungs "projects have many projections and i don't know what i'm saying" actually don't do that it might scare people etc.

To random people: do NOT email me unless you have good and projecting intentions. I will stalk you and make you eat bologna. that means baloney.and baloney is disGUSTing. everyone knows that.

Initiated by: SB

Intent: to get people up and out, out of the outdoors sort. Commune with nature!

General Directions:

1. Spend quality time in the outdoors as often as possible.

2. Take a road trip next time you get a chance. Maybe go camping!

3. Stop and smell the roses, or wildflowers

Current Members:

MSB

SBB

Contact: thegrandma@mobsters.com for more information or to officially partake in this endeavor. Initiation involves sending your initials.

SPONSOR: the Underground Atypical Network (UAN)